Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
