I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
