You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
