Sry I called you an 8
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
