I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
