apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
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wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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