ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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