hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
