Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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