Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
