He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
