I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
