I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
the condom got lost in my hair
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
