why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
