Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
