dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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