im six kinds of drunk right now
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
