and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Randomize
