Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
