chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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