Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
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Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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