I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
