I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
