i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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