Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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