wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
