I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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