i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So much Jack, so little girl.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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