hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
