I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
