He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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