I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
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