Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
