Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
