I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
