Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
