The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
