he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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