Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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