How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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