just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
