just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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