If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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