ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
