You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
