So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
