On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
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Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
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I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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