hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
