it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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