remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
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