Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
