There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
