can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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