I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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