I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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