Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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