We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
