i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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