It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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