OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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