All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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