I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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