How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
