if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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