You were right. It hurts to walk today.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
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You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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