Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
why do cheetos always look like penises
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
