I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
