a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
