I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just found puke in my bra..
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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