Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
