don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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