I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
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